The Dr. is in!


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(I LIKE this Doctor!!! Can I make an appointment????  )

ATT933196
Subject: The Dr. Is In!

Q:  Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong  life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only  good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on  exercise. Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up your  heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can  extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take  a nap.

Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and eat more  fruits and  vegetables?
A: You must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables.  So a  steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanism of  delivering vegetables to  your system.  Need  grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field  grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give  you 100% of your recommended daily allowance  of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol  intake?
A:  No, not  at all.  Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled  wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so  you get even more of the goodness that way..   Beer is  also made out of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well,  if you have a  body and you have  fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two  to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of  participating in a regular exercise  program?
A: Can’t think of  a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q:  Aren’t  fried  foods bad for you?
A:  YOU’RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! …..  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they’re permeated in it.  How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are you crazy? HELLO!! Cocoa  beans! Another vegetable!!!
It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming is good for your figure,  explain whales to me.

Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:

‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of  arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body,
but rather  to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one  hand – chocolate in  the other -
body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and
screaming ‘WOO  HOO, What a  Ride’

AND……

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final  word on nutrition and health.
It’s a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking  English is apparently what kills  you.

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Originally posted 2009-11-25 07:00:01. Republished by Blog Post Promoter




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