Important Theft Warning

Category: Scam

THEFT WARNING

This lady has changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen.

Her handbag which contained her mobile, credit card, purse etc…. was stolen. 20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says “I’ve just received your text asking about our pin number and I’ve replied a little while ago.”

When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn.
The pickpocket had actually used the stolen phone to text “hubby” in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from the bank account.

Moral of the lesson: Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, sweetheart, Dad, Mum  etc…….

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Take That!

Category: Awesome, Funny, Government, Picture, Revenge

A neighborly sense of humor :-P

A city councilman in Utah, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark  Easton, mad  about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line, at great expense. :’(

Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn’t like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark’s home to see the vent view, this is what they found…

This was verified by Snopes.com.

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Fwd: How to Tell the Gender of a Bird

Category: Animals, Funny, Gender, Joke, Marriage

Sometimes you have to look closely for the subtle indicators!

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The Road Of Death

Category: Advice, Awesome, Bolivia, Warning

When driving in Bolivia, you may want to avoid this road.

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FW: Embarrasing First Date

Category: Dating, Funny, Gender, Joke, Sex, love

What a pisser!

Embarrassing First Date

hilarious!

If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first
date or not! We have all had bad dates. But this takes the cake. This
just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the
“Tonight Show”
with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing

first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience. There was
absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter… snowing and quite cold… and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was
a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly
had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful
until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back
down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should
not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the
middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which
she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow
going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop
and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his
car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing,
so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her

companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think
about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of
the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another

sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered
her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of
tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she
attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly
apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about “what is taking so long” with a
reply that indeed, she was “freezing her butt off and in need of some
assistance!” He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with
her sweater, and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he
burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally
managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced
with a real problem both agreed it would take something hot to free her
chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had
gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly
realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip
his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in
laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down.. or perhaps that
should be “pants down.” And you thought your first date was
embarrassing.
Jay Leno’s comment, “This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed
off.”

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Fwd: Advice From An Attorney

Category: Advice, Law, Lawyers

ATTORNEY’S ADVICE – NO CHARGE
Not A Joke!!   Even If you dislike attorneys..You will love them for these tips.

Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday. Maybe we should all take some of his advice! A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company:

1. Do not sign  the back of your credit cards. Instead, put ‘PHOTO ID REQUIRED.’

2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts,  DO  NOT put the complete  account number on the ‘For’ line. Instead, just put the  last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won’t have access to it.

3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never  have your  SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have It printed, anyone can get it.

4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel.. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.
I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We’ve all heard horror stories about fraud that’s committed on us in stealing a Name, address, Social Security number, credit cards..

Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have first hand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.
But here’s some critical information to limit the damage  in case this happens to you or someone you know:

5. We have been told we should  cancel our  credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.

6..  File a  police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here’s what is perhaps  most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.)
7. Call  the  3 national credit reporting organizations  immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number.. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name.

The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit..

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves’ purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks..

Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, if it has been stolen:

1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285

2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742

3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680 7289

4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line):
1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything.

If you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone that you care about.

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Scam: Toyota Japan Lottery for 2010 China Award

Category: China, Scam

This is most definitely a scam. DO NOT respond to this email.


Toyota Japan Lottery for 2010 China Award
Customer Service Department
Affiliate of Toyota Branch China.
28 Tanfield Road Tiaxiu lio Beijing
ChinaPRIZE AWARD NOTIFICATION

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement made today, You are among the winners of the TOYOTA CAR INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAM Participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from 2,500,000 email addresses of individuals and companies from all part of the world as part of our electronic business Promotions Program.As a result of your visiting various websites we are running the E-business promotions for. You/Your Company email address, attached to ticket number      719-226-1319      , with serial number 902-66  drew the lucky numbers 05,12,30,11,17,43 and Bonus number 10 , Your INSURANCE Number: FLS433/ 453L /GMSA and consequently you won in the Second Category of the TOYOTA FORTUNE LOTTO DRAW.You have therefore been approved for the payment of the sum of US$1,000, 000, 00 in cash, including a Toyota car which is the winning present /amount for the Second category winners. This is from the total prize money of US$12,650,000.00 shared among the international winners in the Second
ategory.CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Please be informed that your won fund of the sum of US$1,000,000.00 is now with the payee center. Contact our agent and give them your full names so that they will re-insure your winning fund under your full names. Together with the port where your winning car should be shipped to.To begin your claim, please call our claim agent or send email immediately to:-

GIBSON  DAVID
Foreign Services Manager,
Transglobe Finance Securities
E-mail:toyoat AT 163.com
Tel:+8613434352236
1. Full Name:
2. Address:
3. Occupation:
4. Age:
5. Sex:
6. Nationality:
7. Country of Residence:
8. Telephone/Fax Number:

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers and other information provided above and below in every one of your correspondences to your claiming agent.
Congratulations” once again from all our staff and thank you for being part of our promotions program.
Sincerely,
Mr.Baye Lofo
Online coordinator
www DOT Toyota DOT com DOT cn

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FW: Smart Ass Answers of 2009

Category: Funny, Joke

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

‘What are my choices?’ John asked.

‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window..

‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the officer said.

The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could..’

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed asign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’

The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’ The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
NO ONE HAS SEEN HIM SINCE!

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FW: Newspaper Clippings

Category: Awesome, Funny, Joke, Newspaper

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FW: BEACH IN CHINA

Category: Beach, China, Countries, Places, vacation

Can’t wait to relax on the beach…

For those who are stressed and need a break away from the day to day hustle and bustle; how about a  beach holiday in China ???

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